Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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