Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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