I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
