And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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