I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
