Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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