I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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