I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
