I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My dick has a subreddit
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
