He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
