Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
