dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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