oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
