tell your sister to shave her snatch
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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