If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FUCK WHALES
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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