nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
