my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
