youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
