I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
