Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
