yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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