my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
