don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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