I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
