He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
