did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
