ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
