some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
