one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
