Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
