Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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