The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
