New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
