I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
