Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
