oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
