I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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