I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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