I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
