I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
