She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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