Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
