and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
