My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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