So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
honey bunches of taint.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
