There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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