i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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