guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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