if i can run in heels then i can drive
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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