Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
